Well, this is it. Tomorrow morning we head to the airport,
and Monday afternoon we'll be home. It's crazy to think 6 weeks have already
passed, but they have, and they've been, well... interesting. For those of you who've
read my other posts, you know what I've been going through, and what I've been
feeling lately. Even so, I don't regret coming, and I'm so thankful I had this
opportunity. There may have been some rough spots, but hey, God never said
living life for Him would be easy! I really have enjoyed this trip, though.
These kids have left handprints all over my heart, and that's what made today
so difficult.
Today, I had to say one of the words I hate most... Goodbye.
Normally, we say "see you". And if this trip
hadn't gone the way it did, I would've been able to say it with all the
confidence in the world. But this trip didn't go the way I had expected, and it
had a lot of twists and turns. That said, saying "see you" somewhat
felt like a lie. Now don't misunderstand me, I know that even if I have to wait
till the day the good Lord takes me home, I WILL see them again. I believe that
with all my heart! However, "see you" to these people means either
"see you soon" or "see you next year". I can't even count
how many times I was asked "when will you return to us?" or "You
will be back next year, yes?" today. Last year I had no trouble saying
"YES! I will be back!" and believing it. Today though... I couldn't
say that. When I was saying goodbye to the kids, It was so hard to say "I
don't know" when they asked the dreaded question. I actually started
crying when I was hugging Prossy and Joanita, and what made it even harder, is
that they both stayed strong and said "Don't cry, Taila! You will be
back!" And I just tried to smile and nod, but agreeing was something I
struggled to do. Of course I know there's a chance I'll be back, and I truly
hope that's the case! But I just don't see these trips the way I used to...
everything's changed. However, this doesn't change the fact that this evening,
I fell apart telling a bunch of people I LOVE goodbye. In fact, it made it
harder! Which is to be expected, I suppose.
As I hugged the children who hadn't already gone home (I
didn't get to say goodbye to about half the kids, which made me cry even more!)
and told them "see you" (as honestly as I could manage), I took a
walk through the P4 and P5 classrooms, for memories sake, I guess. I don't
know, I just couldn't resist one last look. And as I looked around at the
broken desks, the dirt floors, and the chalkboards, I ended up at the window,
watching some of the kids outside, and I let out a whispered cry to God asking
"How can this all be over?!" And I imagine the kids were pretty concerned
when they saw their mazungu teacher touching the chalkboard and struggling to
keep her composure... to say that this evening was rough is an understatement,
friends. It wrecked me! I cried the majority of the way home as I listened to "See
You Again" by Carrie Underwood repeatedly on my iPod, and as soon as we
got to the house I went to the bathroom to wash off the mud that had dried on
my legs, and tried my best to not fall apart again. When my sister called
later, I had pretty much composed myself and was eating chocolate cake... that made me feel a little better ;) Ha! I guess it's good I can
laugh at it now, especially since this all happened just a few hours ago.
Speaking of which, I'd like to give a big thank you to everyone who's shared
encouraging words with me tonight! It means so much to me to have friends and
family like y'all that really care about me, support me, and knowing that
you've been praying this whole time is something I appreciate SO much! Y'all
are seriously the best!
Well, it's almost midnight, so I guess I should probably turn in for the
night. I'm just weird like this y'all, It's midnight and I'm wide awake! HA! I really should go to bed though. After all, we have 2 LONG days of travel ahead! That's another thing you
can be praying for me about- the flights home. Specifically, the 13 hour flight
from Addis Ababa back to Washington DC
I could go on a lot longer with all the stories from this
trip, but the way I see it, most of you reading my blog posts will be people I see
within the next few weeks or so, and you'll be hearing about these 6 weeks a
lot! If you wanna know something specific, just ask! A lot of exciting things
have happened, and even through the bad times, God still worked. That's one of
my favorite things about Him. Even through the good AND the bad times, God
never fails, and He always does something extraordinary. And to me, it's a
reminder that I'm not perfect. I'm human, I make mistakes, I'm weak, and I can
do nothing in my own strength. But God IS perfect, He doesn't make mistakes, He's
strong and can do ALL things, and He is without a doubt, the best and most
extraordinary thing in my life! He designed me, He has a plan for me, He knows
what He's doing, and He's gonna lead me to where I need to be! And wherever
that is, it's gonna be awesome and I know I'm gonna be happy! And whether you
think so or not, He's gonna do the same for YOU too! I believe it... do you?
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9
