You never let go

Today was a perfect example of why I love Uganda so much. We pulled up to the school at about 8 am, and our car was instantly surrounded by children!!! They we're screaming "teacher! teacher!" and trying to open the door to get to us. As soon as we got out, we were FLOODED with hugs from all of the children. Every single child wanted either to shake our hand, hug us, welcome us... or all of the above for that matter! We jumped right into music class with P1 and P2, where we continued to teach them "Jesus loves me" and "Jesus loves the little children". But their favorite... wait for it... the "tootie ta." The "tootie ta" is a silly kids dance that one of my old youth leaders taught us a while back. Anyways, the kids LOVE it!!! That's all they ever want to do! "Tootie Ta! Tootie Ta! Tootie Ta!" They can never get enough of it!

Today was really special for me, but NOT because of the tootie ta. It was really special for me, because of this little girl I've formed a bond with... Beckah. She's almost 6 years old, but she looks like she should be 3 or 4. She is adorable, totally lovable, and absolutely precious to me. From the first day I met her, I knew that I loved that little girl. She's one of the students that recieved her uniform on Wednesday, and she looks absolutely beautiful in it. Beckah loves to run, and play, and dance, and laugh... and she loves hugs. I probably held her in my lap for 15 minutes at one point today, just hugging onto her, and loving her, and kissing her beautiful, flawless little head. And we danced together while Kelsey played the guitar. And she loves it when I pick her up and spin her around!

Since today was Friday, Kelsey and I held a crafts class after lunch. But before we started, I sat in the shade underneath a big tree, with... you guessed right... with Beckah, my little buddy, sitting on my lap. Beckah is the type of kid that no matter what, CAN NOT sit still!!! She was constantly switching from knee to knee, from sitting to laying down... she could not stop moving. But at one point, she just relaxed, and let me hold her in my arms. I tickled her, kissed her, hugged her, and loved her. And then, something funny happened. She started pretending to slip off my lap, or lean foward pretending to fall. I looked at it like she was testing me. Testing me to see if I would catch her before she fell. And every time, I would catch her, hug her, she would laugh, and the cycle would repeat itself several times. But I remember one time she did it, where it was really emotional for me on the inside. She started to fall foward, and when I caught her, I said "I caught you, Beckah!" and then I whispered... "I will always catch you."

On the car ride home this afternoon, those words kept repeating in my head. "I will always catch you." And at one point, I realized something, that nearly brought me to tears. In 4 short weeks, i'll be leaving. And when I leave, i'll be leaving Beckah. I'll be leaving this precious little girl that I fell in love with on that first day. And when I leave, I won't be here to catch her everytime she falls. I wont be here to wipe away her tears when shes sad, or hug her everyday and tell her that she's loved. The point is... I won't be here with her. And when that thought came into my head, it was as if my heart had broken into a million little pieces, and there was nothing I could do about it.

But at the same time, God kinda tapped me on the shoulder, and said "Taylor, I love Beckah. I love her even more than you do. And I will hold her in my hands, and when she falls, I will catch  her, and I will never let go of her. Do you trust me?" And at that moment, I knew that I trusted God. Because it's true. As much as I love Beckah, God loves her even more. He knew her before she was born, and he cares about her, and he loves her, and he will NEVER LET GO.

My dad also pointed something out to me while I was talking on the phone with him a little bit ago. Sometimes, God DOES let us fall. But when that happens, he picks us right back up. And I have no doubt, that God will pick Beckah up when she falls.

So in the middle of my heartbreak, God reminded me that his love is greater. That when I can't be here for Beckah, he is. He is ALWAYS there. And there's a point, where I need to just trust him with that, and let go, and let him take control. That was my lesson today.

GOD NEVER LETS GO.