I've been meaning to update my blog for a few days now, and
today worked out perfectly to do it, because it's a public holiday and there is
no school. Anyways, I want to say thank you for all the prayers and support y'all
have been giving me since my last post. I have felt so much of that joy and
excitement come back into my life, and it's such a relief to me! And although I
know Satan isn't going to stop trying to discourage me, I'm also not going to
let him win the battle. He can't win the battle because our King has already
won the war! This truth has kept me motivated for several days now, and I'm
glad I have y'all to remind me. My friend Kat told me the other day- "The
fact that you said you're scared this means it's over, proves that you don't
want it to end!" And ever since I read her comment, her words have been
echoing in my mind. She's right- I DON'T want it to end! But I feel this
differently from how I used to. I used to not want to even leave Uganda , but
now, I'm looking forward to going home and finding what God wants me to do
there. For the longest time I've felt called to Uganda long term, but I'm not sure
I do any more. I'm not saying I can't see myself coming back, but I think I
just got ahead of myself and figured since God has called me to missions, that
He was leading me here. And He very well might be! I would love to come back
again after this trip; but at least for right now, I can only see myself here
short term. I can't see myself living here like I used to plan on doing after I
graduate next year.
Wanna know the cool thing though? This time, I'm not
worried. It doesn't scare me or upset me that this might be my last time here
for a while, but instead, I'm at peace with it. I guess that's how God is
reassuring me that He isn't done yet. This time last week, I was wrecking my
brain trying to figure out why I didn't feel the same joy as I used to, and
that's when I became scared that my time here was all coming to an end... and I
really don't want it to end!
But at the same time, I have peace with this possibility because I know God has
a plan and He is going to lead me where I can bring glory to Him. Later that evening after I posted on my blog, I was reminded by one of my favorite singers (Lauryn Taylor Bach; now in 1 Girl Nation), that God knows where I'll be the happiest. For the past few years, I've felt
happiest here in Uganda ,
but I know that wherever He leads me, I'll be even happier there! It's interesting to think about, but I know it's true.
Lately I've been reminded that God's plan is so big, that we
can't even possibly begin to understand or imagine it. And I'm thinking this truth
has been on my mind because Uganda
has been MY dream. I've dreamt about moving to Uganda , teaching the children, adopting
some of my own, and making a beautiful life here. But that's just the thing...
God is the one who made my beautiful life and has it planned out- NOT me. Whether or not He's wanting me
in Uganda
long term still hasn't been revealed, so I'm choosing to take a step back and
let Him lead. And this is where the peace comes in! Normally, I would be
panicking right now, wondering why I can't see the path I'm supposed to take.
However, I'm not the same me. I've changed a lot, because God has changed me.
And I know that I just have to stop searching for the answers, and know that
He's going to have His way, and that His way is the best way.
All of this said, I want you to know that I really am
enjoying this trip. The students are wonderful and have reminded me time and
time again why I love being here... and they've done it without even trying! Yesterday
morning I danced around the school yard with several children holding on to me
who were laughing and singing and dancing along as well! The teachers just
watched and laughed, thinking I was crazy. And I was... crazy determined to
make the supposedly "worst day of the week", the best day to the
start of many more best days to come! I had a wonderful day, although somewhat
crazy, but I like that it was crazy... It was crazy good! And it wasn't
anything I did, but rather what God did. He reminded me that this trip was
indeed part of His plan, and that He had made that evident before I even came.
He reminded me that for now, He does want me here, because it's part of what
He's preparing me for.
Thanks again to everyone who has been praying for me and supporting
me all this time. To mom and dad-
thanks for always believing in me and supporting where God has me right now,
even though I know you wish I wasn't so far away. Love you both so much and I
can't wait to see you again! Sydney-
In your own way, I know you support me too. I feel your prayers and love even
though we haven't really talked about it much, and I love you so much lil
sister! To all of my family- Having
your prayers and support means more to me then you can imagine. Kaylee Wilson,
you're the one who encouraged me not to give up when Google tried to keep me
out of my blog, and now, I'm posting my 3rd update for this trip! Thanks for
that, and thanks to all of you for supporting me, and for believing in me, and
I hope I can continue to make you proud. To
all my friends- thanks so much for the encouraging words you've given me
through the hard days, and for continuing to pray for me even in the good days.
You all mean the world to me, my dear friends, and I'm so thankful God has
filled my life with amazing people like you to remind me that God is going to
make me stronger through all of this. Miss y'all and can't wait to give you big
hugs when I get back! To my amazing
church family- Y'all have supported me in these trips for almost 4 years
now, and I can't begin to tell you how much this means to me. Having your
encouragement and prayers means so much, and I am so thankful for you all! I
want you to know that I do feel God is in this trip, as He has been in the
others, and as He will be if or when I come back again. That said, Thanks to
each and every one of you!
From this day forward, with all of my readers as witnesses,
I believe that God is leading me somewhere big. It may be to Uganda , it may
not. But I'm giving up my dreams. I'm gonna stop listening to my own heart and
trying to chase after it's hopes, and instead, I'm gonna follow God's heart.
After all, doing that is the only way I'm ever going to be able to fulfill my
heart's desire... or rather, how He will. For those of you who read my blog
about it before the trip, you remember that my heart's desire is to make a
mark, to make a change... To change the world.
I truly believe with all my heart that, as long as I follow
God's heart, my heart's desire will be fulfilled. Because if I follow His
heart, His desires become mine, and everything else will work together for good
and for His glory.
I need only trust in Him, believe He's still working, and
wait.
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