We've moved!

"Welcome To Living Life" officially has a new home with Weebly! I sincerely hope you'll follow along on this new adventure and come along to our new and improved space.

welcometolivinglife.weebly.com

Anthem Lights mashup and behind the scenes

Anyone who knows me even in the slightest probably knows I am a huge fan of the Christian/Pop band "Anthem Lights". That said, I imagine it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened and I put together a mashup of their music... also ironic considering they mostly do covers nowadays ;)

Below is the link to the video and also the lyrics from the mashup. Also, below the mashup you'll find another link; this one leads to my "Behind The Scenes" video. I've shared bloopers in previous covers of mine, but I realized in the editing process that I had enough this time to make a full separate video! Ever wonder what REALLY happens during my filming process? Well, here's the hysterical reality! :)

Click here for "Anthem Lights mashup"

Click here for "Behind The Scenes" video

LYRICS TO MASHUP 

(Just Fall / Help You Stand / Coming Home / Turn Around)

I would dive into canyons to save you
And climb up the highest skyscraper as pressure would drop, drop, drop

If it meant that all your pain would stop

I can see that October's been heavy

And how much you wish that the floor would be steady below, oh, oh

I know it hurts more than you show, oh, oh

Because the tone that's in your voice, I can recognize

The shaking from your choice, I can empathize

Once I was broken, but now I'm mended

And I just wanna help you, I just wanna help you

You can just fall into me

I'll be the ground beneath your feet

I just wanna help you, I just wanna help you

I'll meet you at midnight, let my arms be your escape, baby

Nothing's too much to ask of me

I'll meet you at dawn or whenever you need me

So if you're frozen in the cold, and you got nowhere to go

You're unsure and it's unclear how you got here on this road

When you need to stop and go back just to carry on

Let me help you

Open Letter To Fear

Out of all the YouTube videos I've shared over the years, some of my favorites have been ones that didn't even involve me singing. Last summer, I shared a video titled "I am Forgiven", and the response it received was very encouraging. In fact, it was even mentioned in an online magazine! I was very excited to see that the message I shared was reaching people everywhere, and they were being inspired by it.

You can see the "I am Forgiven" video here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1vNuDuvpVc

Now, a year later, I'm sharing another video. This one isn't necessarily as deep or encouraging, but it was very freeing to me to express my thoughts to "fear" in this way, and my hope is that others see it and are encouraged to face off their own fear. We all have it, and we all have the choice to either let it control us... or to tell it to leave.

You can see the "Open Letter To Fear" video here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51cXSi7rppc

Make Me Brave

I'm learning how to be brave.

I truthfully imagined that I would be okay with the concept of trust and "being courageous" after all God has delivered me from this past year, but tonight I realized that I'm still learning. Learning to give up control, learning to believe that there's a purpose and plan that are bigger than my vision, and I'm learning to trust that I'm loved by a God who's drawing me to it. With that, however, comes total abandonment of my control. It means rejecting everything I hold so dear, and whole-hardheartedly asking God to draw me beyond the shore and back into the waves. That's scary to me, especially since I feel like He just pulled me OUT of them. So why on God's great earth would I ask Him to lead me back? I don't like to be fearful, I don't like the unknown, so why would I ask Him to call me out of the boat into the uncharted storm? The interesting thing, however, is that as I'm typing this out, the answer just came to mind. There IS a reason I should ask Him to bring me back to that place, despite how uncomfortable it makes me.

Maybe it's where He's calling me to be.

Recently my pastor said something that rang so true in my mind and heart; he said "Solomon didn't ask God to change his circumstance." When He said that, I realized that I had been guilty of doing exactly that- asking God to tailor His plan for me because it wasn't easy. It wasn't all warm and fuzzy, and it wasn't comfortable. Some days, I felt like I was losing my mind. Never once, however, did I thank God for what He was doing. And at the time, I didn't see a reason to. There were moments that I was honestly mad at Him for what He was doing. But now I see things differently, and I AM grateful for what He did. It made me stronger... it made me braver. 

And yet, I'm still hesitant to ask Him to take me back.

I don't think God takes us to the valleys, deserts, and raging oceans to jerk us around and make us fearful. In fact, I'm certain that's not His purpose in it, because that's not who He is. He is Holy God, good and faithful Shepherd. No, I don't believe God takes us to the difficult places to harm us, but rather that He brings us there to sweetly break us. To some that may sound contradictory, but what we would all do well to remember is that we are a people in desperate need of a savior. We are all sinners, and in the flesh we are not seeking God. John 15:16 says "You did not choose me, but I chose you..." And because of this fact, we also tend to struggle to let go and let God do His work in us. THAT'S where the brokenness comes in. It's not an easy thing, but when you finally get to the place of brokenness, you realize that the only real thing you have is God.

The sweet part comes when you realize that this means you have all you could ever need. 

Truthfully, I'm still scared of the waves. I'm still scared to ask God to take me back out onto the water, to the place where I'm not the one in control. But as I started to write this post, I had the thought that maybe - just maybe - I'm asking Him for something more, and for something that is so much better than the storm I have to face to get to it. I'm asking Him to bring me to a place of complete submission, and total soul abandonment. A place of contentment in who He is and not this world or it's offerings to me. A place where I can do nothing but fall to my knees in awe of His majesty and who He is. A place of learning to trust in Him, have faith in Him, and to a place where he can truly make me brave. 


Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.

Proverbs 14:26

In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, And his children will have refuge.

Hebrews 4:16Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Psalm 91:2 

I will say to the Lord, "You are my place of safety and protection. You are my God and I trust you."

Welcome, 2016

Happy New Year!

Can you believe it's 2016?! It feels crazy to me! And to be honest, although it passed quickly, 2015 was also one of the longest, most emotionally exhausting years of my life. It was full of difficulties, heart ache, unknowns, anger, answers, celebration... it's been a roller coaster, to say the least! Not only that, but this roller coaster actually lasted two years! From October of 2013 to October of 2015, I went day by day just trying not to have an emotional breakdown from all the doubt and worry I had allowed to build up inside of me. But through it all, there are a few things I've come to discover.

1. Nothing here on earth is permanent. People, heart break, hard times, dreams- everything on this side of Heaven is temporary, and what really counts is what you make of these things, and how you embrace or handle them.

2. Discipleship is very important. This summer I began meeting with an adult from my church, and I've really appreciated having someone to go to for advice, spiritual guidance, and a different perspective.

3. It's great to have people to go to for support in the hard times, but it's crucial for God to be #1. If I had to pick 3 things I unintentionally did that made this struggle harder on myself, not going to God first would definitely be on the list. I've come to find that I am the kind of person that likes having someone be there for me physically, who I can see and go to for immediate help. And there's nothing wrong with that, except that when the going got tough, my first response was rarely prayer. Instead I would pull out my phone and call a friend, or I'd save my thoughts for the next time I got to talk with an adult I trust. But somewhere along the way I finally got it; I finally realized the importance and value in going to God first. My friends and church leaders can invest in my life and disciple me, but ultimately, God needs to be my life line... He wants to be that.

4. Pride can and will be a roadblock if you don't let it go. For so long I wrestled with God over what He was doing in my life, and although I know He did a lot of things in my life over these 2 years, I also realize now that I made it SO much harder than it had to be. Why? Pride, and my refusal to let go of the wheel. Take my advice... just let it go. There is so much freedom in giving up control.

5. When you pray for God to have His way, He is going to have His way. Sometimes He leads you somewhere you never thought you'd go, sometimes He confirms your desires, and sometimes He reveals that a dream you've had since you were 10 isn't what He has in store for you. But the cool thing is that when the third one happens, the first one happens, too. Just a few months ago, I felt my dream of being a singer slowly begin to fade. Me in the flesh still wanted to fight for it with everything in me, but at the end of the day, I had to embrace the truth; God had a different plan. It hurt for a while, but then something incredible happened. He took one of my heart's deepest desires and revealed to me that His plan DID involve it. He took my desire to see people come to the heart of God, feel His love, and experience His presence, and He called me to worship. It was a moment I still remember so well in my mind, and I pray I never lose sight of his glory and presence through it all.

6. You are never alone. It sounds cliche, but it's so true. Even in the darkest of nights when you feel so far gone, so out of reach, God sees you and He is with you. He truly and deeply cares for you, He loves you more than we can comprehend, and He wants the best for you.

These are just a few of the things I found out in 2015. And even though I know more today then I did January 1 of last year, I also know I still have a lot more to learn. I have a lot to experience, and a lot of growing to do. But I will tell you this...

I can't wait to see what God has in store for 2016.

The Gifts I've Been Given

“Is this the right way?”

I’ve realized that I’ve asked myself and God this question a lot lately. So much so, in fact, that it’s hard to admit. After everything that happened with my “Africa plan”, the idea of choosing a way to go has been constantly on my mind. I know where my passion is, I know what I dream of and aspire to be, and personally, I believe I have the drive to reach it if it’s God’s will for me. I truly believe He’s leading me to this, and I feel it now more than ever.

So why is it that I still doubt?

I don’t doubt that this is my dream, or that God is leading me to do something in the music ministry. I don’t doubt that He can and will use me, or that He will show me what His plan is for me. I don’t doubt any of these things. I do, however, doubt myself. I know that everybody has doubts sometimes, but it’s sort of a new thing for me in this area. Like I said in a previous post, I never really had many doubts with Africa. When I did start to have doubts, I could tell that it was God saying He wanted me somewhere else. Then when I started to doubt that God could use me, He showed me that he has plans and dreams for me, and that I can do the impossible because He has given me the strength to do so.

The doubts I’ve had in the past didn’t bother me as much as the doubts I have now do.

It just seems like my dream is unreachable, because I don’t know where to start to get to it. Everywhere I go, I seem to always be reminded that I have to work if I ever want my dreams to, and I don’t disagree whatsoever. I’m not afraid to work hard for this, and the hard work it’ll take to get there and stay there is actually part of what excites me about it! The motivation for me to reach for my “impossible dream” is always there. So maybe I don’t doubt that I could reach it, as much as I doubt that I’m good enough. It always goes back to my problem with comparison. I look up to and aspire to be like my favorite artists, and when I don’t “measure up” to where *I think* I should be, I start to doubt myself. Hitting a wrong note while singing along to my favorite song is enough to make me question whether or not I could ever be good enough to sing my own songs. It’s a silly way of thinking, yes; but it’s the way I've been thinking. I wish I could say I've got a perfect solution, simply to settle my own anxiety, but I don’t. But I am so thankful for a God who does know how to settle my anxious heart, and that He’s a God that will do exactly that. While doing my school work this morning, I started to think about my doubts again. Then, I realized something; or rather, I asked myself something. It’s a question I've had to ask myself over and over again through out the years, and asking myself this question has always been a moment when God reminds me that I’m His, and that He is all powerful. And the question I ask of myself is this:

“When did I start to give myself boundaries on what I can do based off of the talents, capabilities, and blessings of others?”

In middle school I looked to the popular girls to see who I needed to be to fit in. I let looks and popularity define my happiness. In my first few years of high school, I strived to be who the world thought I needed to be. The clothes, the personality, the clothing size… I let it define my happiness. Now, I’ve been looking at musicians and singers and thinking “I can’t sing like that”, or “I can’t play guitar like that”, and I've let it be my goal point. I've mentally created this high point for myself and said “once you can sing like this you’ll be there”, and “once you can play like this you’ll be there.” Basically I’ve said “when you get to this point, you’ll be happy.” And you know what? I’ve been lying to myself.

I see now that my happiness won’t come from being as talented as the musicians and singers that I’ve strived to be like. God has given me talents and gifts of my own, and He has a plan specifically made for me. He made me to serve Him and glorify Him with the blessings He’s given me, and I see now that wishing I had someone else’s gifts and talents is like ignoring the one’s I have… just like when I used to wish I could look like someone else.

The truth is that God has blessed me with a love for music and singing. He’s given me the talent to do so, but it’s up to me to learn how to use this gift properly and to His glory. I may not be able to hit a high note like Ariana Grande, but seriously, who besides her can?! I may not be a master guitarist, but I’m learning. I may not be a professional song writer, but I believe with all of my heart that God has given me something to say, and I love to write my own songs.

Originally I was going to write this all out in my journal, but I decided to share it with all of you incase any of you are in the same place I am right now. Maybe you have a dream and passion for something, but you’ve placed limits on yourself like I have. Or maybe you’re a senior like I am, and you’re trying to decide where God is leading you… He’ll show you. I can’t say that I’ve seen many burning bushes lately, but God has said that He’s going to use us in wondrous ways that we can’t even imagine. That said, my challenge to all of you, including myself, is this.

Let’s embrace the gifts God’s given us, and use them where He leads.

1 Peter 4:10- Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms.

Romans 12:6a- In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. 

Jeremiah 33:3- Call to me and I will answer you. I’ll show you great and unsearchable things that you do not know. 

Am I dreaming too big?

This question has been on my mind a lot lately... more so now than ever. When I was little I didn't think it was possible to dream "too big". As a child I was constantly changing my mind, finding new dreams, and my imagination grew more and more wild. Nothing was impossible, and I could be anything I wanted to be! And believe me, at the time, I dreamt of everything... but of all my dreams, only one has remained. Singing. When I was little I used to sing all the time; I'd perform for my family, my church, in school talent shows... every chance I got. For a few years I was even convinced I was meant to be the next Taylor Swift. I'm not even kidding. Then when I was 13, I went through a really hard time, and in addition to all the other things that brought me down in that year to come, a sudden hit of reality crashed into me... my dream wasn't something that I could just walk into. It was something that would come with a lot of challenges, and at 14 years old, I came to the conclusion that my dream was unrealistic and impossible. For a while I did my best not to think about it, and then it seemed that God showed me my perfect path, my destiny! I truly believed He was telling me Uganda was my future. After all, I know He's called me to the mission field. At the time, though, I was pretty closed minded to the idea of not being led overseas... somehow I had gotten the impression that foreign missions was what I had to do if I was going to follow this call to the mission field. I in no way thought that was the ONLY mission field, but I was 99% positive it was the mission field I was being directed towards.

Then a trip to Uganda actually showed me that I needed to be more open minded and really pray about that other 1%.

I'm going to be completely honest with you guys and just tell you that I didn't really expect that the 1% of the equation would turn out to be my "impossible dream"... and I never imagined it could seem more possible than a future in Uganda. I mean, if i'm being totally real with you guys, I had all but forgotten about my dream of being a singer until then. I daydreamed about it occasionally, but suddenly it was all I could think about, to the point that the idea of failure set it. I guess that's what made all of this real for me; with my dream of Uganda, I never wondered if I was dreaming too big. I never wondered if what I was doing would be too difficult, or if it would have challenges I couldn't handle... I never even questioned if I could live a life like that. I was just all in, ready to go, no doubts. So in the fall of 2013 when all of the fears, questions, and doubts hit at once, I knew something wasn't right, and I knew God was trying to tell me something. Even so, when my dream of singing started to redevelop and stir my heart in ways I had never experienced before, I was hesitant to dream "too big". After all, the one thing that made sense to me for so long was suddenly fading out of the picture, and I was scared to feel let down again.

Eventually I opened up to the idea that this could possibly be a road worth pursuing, at least for a little while. I figured if nothing else, I could at least keep it as a hobby; singing and songwriting, I mean. Then as time passed and 2014 rolled around, I got more and more into the idea, and I really started to ask God if this is what He had in store for me. Before long I started to put all of myself into this dream. All I could, anyways. About that time was when the fears set in; the doubts and the wondering. I remember going into my room one afternoon when I was feeling particularly doubtful; I began pacing the floor and speaking my heart to God, asking Him to guide me and reveal his plan to me. I remember the words "I can't handle the confusion! I can't do this alone!" had come from my mouth as a cry for help. That's what it was... because I needed God's help with this. I was feeling confused about what to do, doubtful that my dream could come true, and above all, I felt completely and totally useless for what I was dreaming. The fear of not being good enough, or not being capable... the fear of failing... It all felt like too much. The idea of me being a Christian artist and touching lives with the message of God in songs I could write, and inspiring young people the way may favorite artists inspire me... well, let's just say it was an intimidating idea, and over all I just couldn't see how God could use me for something that important. I had heard several people say that if your dream doesn't scare you a bit or isn't intimidating, you might not be dreaming big enough. This was some comfort to me, but not the comfort I needed. I needed God's comfort... and I got it.

In the midst of all of this... in my moment of weakness, in my moment of fear and doubt, I felt God there with me. I felt His comforting embrace, and I felt Him whisper into my heart. Now anytime I feel doubtful, I simply remember that when I can't do something, God walks with me and says "But I can."

The doubts still come sometimes, but not nearly as much as they used to. Lately though, a new question has been captivating me, and it's the one that inspired this post: Am I dreaming too big? I mean really, could I just be letting my imagination run wild? Am I thinking unrealistically here? Maybe. That's what I told myself: maybe. I wondered about this for a while, and eventually just tried to bury it deep inside of me and forget about it. And for a while I succeeded in not letting the question rule my thoughts. Then March 8th came around, and everything resurfaced... In a very surprising way.

My mom and I had made the journey to Louisville Ky that weekend for the Girls of Grace conference. I was registered for the VIP experience (my birthday present) and couldn't wait for the day's events to unfold... mostly because I was going to get to meet Britt Nicole, who was performing that afternoon. In the weeks leading up to the conference I had thought over and over again about what I wanted to say to her. At one point I really considered sharing my dreams with her and asking for prayer, but when the big day finally came, I didn't even think about it. Not even when she walked into the VIP meet and greet area, and not even when she came over to me. She signed my cd and poster, we took a picture, we talked for a while, we hugged... but I never shared my heart with her. I did tell her that her music had helped me through a lot and that she has really inspired me, but I just didn't feel the urge to say anything else. A minute later I noticed that when signing my poster, she had written "I believe in you!" in the corner above her name... I almost cried. I hadn't told her what I had thought about telling her, yet she still wrote it. Those three little words touched my heart, and everytime I look at that poster on my wall, all I can do is smile. But that wasn't all that happened that touched me- nope, God worked wonders through Britt that day, and I'm still amazed how it all happened. When she was on stage, she mentioned me and said that she remembered meeting me backstage. I remember only a few parts of the next few minutes, because what happened left me completely shocked. I remember her saying she remembered me and talking about me for a minute... but it wasn't until a few weeks ago that I was reminded of another piece of the day. A friend of mine who I met at the concert had taken a video of Britt talking to me from stage and shared part of it on instagram. When I watched it back, it was Britt looking at me and saying "He (God) want's you to dream big, Taylor. He wants you to dream bigger than you ever thought you could! He says that you can do the impossible- He says that over your life!"

I saw this video for the first time about a month ago, probably... God's message for me in it just hit me this morning. I was watching it and I realized something she said towards the end: "He says that you can do the IMPOSSIBLE". I've thought about those words she spoke over and over again, yet somehow I'm just now seeing that God gave me my answer. I can do the impossible- this is something I've wondered about time and time again, and God used Britt to tell me that I wasn't dreaming "too big", and that with Him at my side, I can do the impossible. My impossible dream isn't too big for God, and He will use me according to His plan. The same goes for you and YOUR impossible dream... It isn't too big for God, and He will use you according to His plan.

He just needs us to be willing. 

Love Day

Naturally I threw myself a bit of a pity party this morning as I am single on the one day when everyone is talking about their relationships. However, I'm done with that now. Yeah, I wish I had a boyfriend... But who says Valentines Day is all about having a significant other?! I have an awesome family and an amazing group of friends whom I love VERY much, and I know they love me! Also, I have a Heavenly Father who loves me enough that He sent His son to die for me... THAT is love. So although I do want to be in a relationship, I'm still 16, and I'm not gonna dwell on the fact that I'm a single pringle right now. Besides, the guy God has for me is worth waiting for. I just wish I knew how long I'll be waiting ;) 

I want to say Happy Valentines Day to all of you reading this. Let's not make this day just about having a boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse, but let's also make it about loving others in the same way Christ has loved all of us! 

Here are a few verses about love that I really like :)

Romans 5:8

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  

1 Corinthians 16:14

Do everything in love.

John 15: 12-13

 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son so that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

Beautiful day, Beautiful life

                Does anyone else find it hard to believe that it’s already February?! It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating the start of 2014, but now we’re almost 2 months in. I never used to understand when adults would say “time flies by”, but now I do. In just 23 days, I’ll be 17 years old. I’ll be graduating in just over a year, and then not long after that I’ll be heading off to do whatever God wants me to; I don’t know what that is yet, but I do have a small idea, and I feel like that idea is confirmed a little more and more as time goes by. Anyways, that’s really not my point for this post. My point does, however, have to do with time. I have a lot on my mind that I want to share with you all tonight, so if this post seems a bit random at first, please just bare with me, because I promise I DO have a point.

                First of all, I have come to realize that I do not like winter all that much (random point #1). In the past when some one would ask me about my favorite season, I would say winter, with almost no hesitation. I loved the idea of snow, hot cocoa, a break from school, and of course, Christmas! Of course I do still love these things, but this past month has really strained my love for winter. It seems like this year so far has consisted of nothing but days with freezing cold temperatures, school cancellations (for various reasons), and snow and ice taking a hold to every outdoor surface. However, last Saturday the temperature got all the way up to 64 degrees, and the sun was out all day long! It was seriously an incredible day for me, and as I reflected on it later I realized that winter *isn’t* my favorite season (shocker! ;)) Now I feel like my favorite season is somewhere between spring and summer, where the daily temperature is just right and the sun stays in the sky without a sign of snow. I so enjoyed Saturday’s surprise weather, because I got to enjoy some time outside. I normally don’t spend much time outside, but right now, all I can think about is how amazing it’ll be when the weather is nice enough that I can go to the park and swing for hours, or treat my sister to ice cream at our town’s “Crisps” (don’t tell her I said that though ;)). The point I’m trying to make here, is that I really like what comes along with warmer weather. You know how some people say that sunshine makes you happier? Well as cliché as that may sound, it is SO true!! As much as I try not to complain about the cold, it’s not easy. However, the feeling of joy and happiness that I felt Saturday was a beautiful reminder that the sun will ALWAYS come back out; and I’m really looking forward to that.

                Alright, enough talk about the weather. Really, I just said all of this because I feel like it’s something I needed to say to lead up to my big point.  Another point I want to make goes back to something I mentioned earlier: Time is flying by. Seriously guys, I’m not trying to sound cheesy, but it’s true; life is short, and it’s going by a lot faster than I wish it would. From a very young age I've spent so much time planning my future, and now I’m almost 17, and all I want is to enjoy life. So many times I spend countless hours looking ahead and planning what I think would be a perfect and unforgettable moment, and I miss the moments I’m already standing in. So many times the words “Hold on, I gotta get my camera!” come out of my mouth, and by the time I get the picture, all I have left to remember of that moment is what’s on my SD card. Don’t get me wrong, I love taking pictures. As a scrapbooker and someone who simply loves to look back on special moments, pictures are very important to me! However, I don’t like that I spend so much time planning the perfect photo-op while at the same time I just want to enjoy that moment. I've seen so many pictures and heard so many people say “Live in the moment”, that for a long time I honestly felt like that was the most cliché phrase in the entire world. In addition to that, I thought it was something people said to persuade others to drink and party because “there might not be a tomorrow, so who cares what you do today?!” (Yes, I really thought this). However, now I see that this phrase is all about perspective. There are always going to be people who think this way, but for me, I’m choosing to live by what I think the *real* meaning is.

                Life is short. Each day is a gift from God and He gives us blessings in each and every moment. He doesn't give us an expiration date for our lives, because if He did we’d spend so much time dwelling on that, and we wouldn't think about Him and all of His love for us. He doesn't tell us how long we have to live for Him, so what are we waiting for?! Don’t waste even ONE moment. Don’t let one memory slip by. Don’t live like you’re gonna die, live like you've been given a new life! Because you have! He’s given us all new life, and it’s a free gift!

                And most of all, take the time to stop and live in the moment. It’s not a just cliché statement you get in fortune cookies or see on Pinterest; it’s a blessing. The ability to cherish and enjoy even the simplest of moments is the blessing of a lifetime, and I pray that we never forget this. Especially because even the simplest of moments can make for an absolutely beautiful day in the midst of the beautiful lives we've all been given.

Psalms 118:24 - This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

~MAGICAL~

Hey friends! Lately I've been doing a lot of song writing (my new found hobby) and yesterday I shared a video of me singing me new original Christmas song on YouTube. It's called ~MAGICAL~

A friend of mine asked about the lyrics, so I thought I'd use this post to share them with you!

"Magical"

(verse 1)
There's something wonderful in the air, do you feel it
There's a star shining bright in the sky, do you see it
It's lighting the way to a little baby boy
And this child is the source of all our joy

(Chorus)
Look around, see the stars sparkling
Hear the angels sing Glory to the King
All this hope in one little child, how is it possible
Well I don't know, but the story's been told
And it's without a doubt ~ Magical ~

(verse 2)
The son of God sleeps the night away in a manger
But did Mary know that one day, He'd save her
He'd stretch out His arms and give up His life
But tonight He rests, while love and peace fill the night

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
Light of the world, you step down into darkness
Opened my eyes, let me see
Humbly you came to this earth you created
All for Love's sake became poor

(Chorus)

Light of the world, you step down into darkness
Opened my eyes, let me see

And there you go ~ The lyrics to "Magical"! As you probably noticed, the bridge is the lyrics from "Here I am to worship". As I was writing this song I got those words stuck in my head and thought they sounded pretty cool with mine, so I guess in a way my song is also a mash-up! I'm not really sure how else to describe it, ha-ha! Anyways, I hope you like the song! If you haven't heard it, you should check it out ;) Here's the link ~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3fTNaVWsus

Also, I want to say "Thank You" to everyone who has commented about "Magical". I really appreciate your kind words and support, and I can't wait to share more of my originals with you soon :) MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

You lead, I'll follow

Well, this is it. Tomorrow morning we head to the airport, and Monday afternoon we'll be home. It's crazy to think 6 weeks have already passed, but they have, and they've been, well... interesting. For those of you who've read my other posts, you know what I've been going through, and what I've been feeling lately. Even so, I don't regret coming, and I'm so thankful I had this opportunity. There may have been some rough spots, but hey, God never said living life for Him would be easy! I really have enjoyed this trip, though. These kids have left handprints all over my heart, and that's what made today so difficult.

Today, I had to say one of the words I hate most... Goodbye.

Normally, we say "see you". And if this trip hadn't gone the way it did, I would've been able to say it with all the confidence in the world. But this trip didn't go the way I had expected, and it had a lot of twists and turns. That said, saying "see you" somewhat felt like a lie. Now don't misunderstand me, I know that even if I have to wait till the day the good Lord takes me home, I WILL see them again. I believe that with all my heart! However, "see you" to these people means either "see you soon" or "see you next year". I can't even count how many times I was asked "when will you return to us?" or "You will be back next year, yes?" today. Last year I had no trouble saying "YES! I will be back!" and believing it. Today though... I couldn't say that. When I was saying goodbye to the kids, It was so hard to say "I don't know" when they asked the dreaded question. I actually started crying when I was hugging Prossy and Joanita, and what made it even harder, is that they both stayed strong and said "Don't cry, Taila! You will be back!" And I just tried to smile and nod, but agreeing was something I struggled to do. Of course I know there's a chance I'll be back, and I truly hope that's the case! But I just don't see these trips the way I used to... everything's changed. However, this doesn't change the fact that this evening, I fell apart telling a bunch of people I LOVE goodbye. In fact, it made it harder! Which is to be expected, I suppose.

As I hugged the children who hadn't already gone home (I didn't get to say goodbye to about half the kids, which made me cry even more!) and told them "see you" (as honestly as I could manage), I took a walk through the P4 and P5 classrooms, for memories sake, I guess. I don't know, I just couldn't resist one last look. And as I looked around at the broken desks, the dirt floors, and the chalkboards, I ended up at the window, watching some of the kids outside, and I let out a whispered cry to God asking "How can this all be over?!" And I imagine the kids were pretty concerned when they saw their mazungu teacher touching the chalkboard and struggling to keep her composure... to say that this evening was rough is an understatement, friends. It wrecked me! I cried the majority of the way home as I listened to "See You Again" by Carrie Underwood repeatedly on my iPod, and as soon as we got to the house I went to the bathroom to wash off the mud that had dried on my legs, and tried my best to not fall apart again. When my sister called later, I had pretty much composed myself and was eating chocolate cake... that made me feel a little better ;) Ha! I guess it's good I can laugh at it now, especially since this all happened just a few hours ago. Speaking of which, I'd like to give a big thank you to everyone who's shared encouraging words with me tonight! It means so much to me to have friends and family like y'all that really care about me, support me, and knowing that you've been praying this whole time is something I appreciate SO much! Y'all are seriously the best!

Well, it's almost midnight, so I guess I should probably turn in for the night. I'm just weird like this y'all, It's midnight and I'm wide awake! HA! I really should go to bed though. After all, we have 2 LONG days of travel ahead! That's another thing you can be praying for me about- the flights home. Specifically, the 13 hour flight from Addis Ababa back to Washington DC. I just don't do well with long flights, guys. I'm fine for the first 2 or 3 hours, and sometimes I have a miracle and I make it through 5 before I get restless! But by the time we reach hour 6, I'm just over it all. I can't sleep, can't get comfortable, my neck starts to hurt, and half the time I really just feel like crying! Ha! I guess I'm not as big of a travel lover as I used to be. I don't dislike flying, I just dislike flying for more than a couple of hours at a time. I used to think 8 hours was rough... nah, 8 hours is paradise!

I could go on a lot longer with all the stories from this trip, but the way I see it, most of you reading my blog posts will be people I see within the next few weeks or so, and you'll be hearing about these 6 weeks a lot! If you wanna know something specific, just ask! A lot of exciting things have happened, and even through the bad times, God still worked. That's one of my favorite things about Him. Even through the good AND the bad times, God never fails, and He always does something extraordinary. And to me, it's a reminder that I'm not perfect. I'm human, I make mistakes, I'm weak, and I can do nothing in my own strength. But God IS perfect, He doesn't make mistakes, He's strong and can do ALL things, and He is without a doubt, the best and most extraordinary thing in my life! He designed me, He has a plan for me, He knows what He's doing, and He's gonna lead me to where I need to be! And wherever that is, it's gonna be awesome and I know I'm gonna be happy! And whether you think so or not, He's gonna do the same for YOU too! I believe it... do you?

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9 

I will trust You while I wait

I've been meaning to update my blog for a few days now, and today worked out perfectly to do it, because it's a public holiday and there is no school. Anyways, I want to say thank you for all the prayers and support y'all have been giving me since my last post. I have felt so much of that joy and excitement come back into my life, and it's such a relief to me! And although I know Satan isn't going to stop trying to discourage me, I'm also not going to let him win the battle. He can't win the battle because our King has already won the war! This truth has kept me motivated for several days now, and I'm glad I have y'all to remind me. My friend Kat told me the other day- "The fact that you said you're scared this means it's over, proves that you don't want it to end!" And ever since I read her comment, her words have been echoing in my mind. She's right- I DON'T want it to end! But I feel this differently from how I used to. I used to not want to even leave Uganda, but now, I'm looking forward to going home and finding what God wants me to do there. For the longest time I've felt called to Uganda long term, but I'm not sure I do any more. I'm not saying I can't see myself coming back, but I think I just got ahead of myself and figured since God has called me to missions, that He was leading me here. And He very well might be! I would love to come back again after this trip; but at least for right now, I can only see myself here short term. I can't see myself living here like I used to plan on doing after I graduate next year.

Wanna know the cool thing though? This time, I'm not worried. It doesn't scare me or upset me that this might be my last time here for a while, but instead, I'm at peace with it. I guess that's how God is reassuring me that He isn't done yet. This time last week, I was wrecking my brain trying to figure out why I didn't feel the same joy as I used to, and that's when I became scared that my time here was all coming to an end... and I really don't want it to end! But at the same time, I have peace with this possibility because I know God has a plan and He is going to lead me where I can bring glory to Him. Later that evening after I posted on my blog, I was reminded by one of my favorite singers (Lauryn Taylor Bach; now in 1 Girl Nation), that God knows where I'll be the happiest. For the past few years, I've felt happiest here in Uganda, but I know that wherever He leads me, I'll be even happier there! It's interesting to think about, but I know it's true. 

Lately I've been reminded that God's plan is so big, that we can't even possibly begin to understand or imagine it. And I'm thinking this truth has been on my mind because Uganda has been MY dream. I've dreamt about moving to Uganda, teaching the children, adopting some of my own, and making a beautiful life here. But that's just the thing... God is the one who made my beautiful life and has it planned out- NOT me. Whether or not He's wanting me in Uganda long term still hasn't been revealed, so I'm choosing to take a step back and let Him lead. And this is where the peace comes in! Normally, I would be panicking right now, wondering why I can't see the path I'm supposed to take. However, I'm not the same me. I've changed a lot, because God has changed me. And I know that I just have to stop searching for the answers, and know that He's going to have His way, and that His way is the best way.

All of this said, I want you to know that I really am enjoying this trip. The students are wonderful and have reminded me time and time again why I love being here... and they've done it without even trying! Yesterday morning I danced around the school yard with several children holding on to me who were laughing and singing and dancing along as well! The teachers just watched and laughed, thinking I was crazy. And I was... crazy determined to make the supposedly "worst day of the week", the best day to the start of many more best days to come! I had a wonderful day, although somewhat crazy, but I like that it was crazy... It was crazy good! And it wasn't anything I did, but rather what God did. He reminded me that this trip was indeed part of His plan, and that He had made that evident before I even came. He reminded me that for now, He does want me here, because it's part of what He's preparing me for.

Thanks again to everyone who has been praying for me and supporting me all this time. To mom and dad- thanks for always believing in me and supporting where God has me right now, even though I know you wish I wasn't so far away. Love you both so much and I can't wait to see you again! Sydney- In your own way, I know you support me too. I feel your prayers and love even though we haven't really talked about it much, and I love you so much lil sister! To all of my family- Having your prayers and support means more to me then you can imagine. Kaylee Wilson, you're the one who encouraged me not to give up when Google tried to keep me out of my blog, and now, I'm posting my 3rd update for this trip! Thanks for that, and thanks to all of you for supporting me, and for believing in me, and I hope I can continue to make you proud. To all my friends- thanks so much for the encouraging words you've given me through the hard days, and for continuing to pray for me even in the good days. You all mean the world to me, my dear friends, and I'm so thankful God has filled my life with amazing people like you to remind me that God is going to make me stronger through all of this. Miss y'all and can't wait to give you big hugs when I get back! To my amazing church family- Y'all have supported me in these trips for almost 4 years now, and I can't begin to tell you how much this means to me. Having your encouragement and prayers means so much, and I am so thankful for you all! I want you to know that I do feel God is in this trip, as He has been in the others, and as He will be if or when I come back again. That said, Thanks to each and every one of you!

From this day forward, with all of my readers as witnesses, I believe that God is leading me somewhere big. It may be to Uganda, it may not. But I'm giving up my dreams. I'm gonna stop listening to my own heart and trying to chase after it's hopes, and instead, I'm gonna follow God's heart. After all, doing that is the only way I'm ever going to be able to fulfill my heart's desire... or rather, how He will. For those of you who read my blog about it before the trip, you remember that my heart's desire is to make a mark, to make a change... To change the world.

I truly believe with all my heart that, as long as I follow God's heart, my heart's desire will be fulfilled. Because if I follow His heart, His desires become mine, and everything else will work together for good and for His glory.

I need only trust in Him, believe He's still working, and wait. 

Fight Forever

For this post, I'm going to go a different direction from my original intentions. Normally, I would update y'all on the latest news about the school, how my teaching is going, how the kids are doing, something interesting I experienced... I usually just tell you what's been happening. But today, I have something else to tell you about. I'd like to share with you about something I have personally been struggling with, and honestly, I didn't want anyone to know at first. Not because I want y'all to think everything is perfect and happy all the time, but because what I've been facing these last few days has me a little, scared, I suppose. But my dad told me last night, "God has blessed us with wonderful people who will rise up and pray with us." And after hearing that, I knew I needed my prayer warriors... especially now.

            Most of you know that normally, all I ever talk about is how I want to be in Uganda. You've all heard me say that "I miss them so much!" and "I want to be there so badly." and sometimes "5 weeks just doesn't feel like enough time." For some of you, you can probably remember me saying on a couple of occasions, "I really just can't imagine being anywhere else." And at the time, I meant it with everything in my soul. Even when we were coming here, and when we landed and I felt that joy again, and even for the first few days, my heart still sung those words. But now, I don't hear that song anymore. That fire that was once burning in my heart, longing to be in this place... I no longer feel the flames. I'm not saying that I don't love being here, please don't misunderstand me. I'm just trying to explain that, in some ways, I don't feel like my heart is here anymore. That piece of my heart that I've always felt was left here... I can't seem to find it. It's like I just can't seem to put all of myself into this work like I used to, and that is what scares me.

            I don't really know how this feeling crept it's way into my mind. A few days ago, I remember being so on fire, and ready to go. Michael was telling me earlier that day that my nana and paps had told him about how I felt lead to the mission field, and that I was wanting to come here. Well, I didn't really want Michael to know that yet, because he tends to get ahead of himself and expect things, and at this point I'm really trying to find what God wants me to do. But he knows now, and I can't change that. And at first, I was okay with it because he was just saying that he was praying for me to come, and that the teachers and the church were praying, and that he had an office already planned out for me if I came. I felt so honored! But then at the PTA meeting later that day, he told all the teachers "And she has promised me that very soon, she will return and be with us for many, many, many years!!"

            THAT was the exact reason I had been keeping my feelings to myself. I never promised that to Michael, and never once did I say the words "many, many, many years." But I couldn't correct him, so I just gave it to God, because knew I needed to wait, and see what his plan was. Later that evening, I realized that this very well might be my last trip to Uganda for a while. This time next year is when I really need to be looking into schools, and attending college visit days, and trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. But if I do that, I won't be able to come to Uganda. And if I don't do it then, it will be quite a while before I'll be able to come back.

            Well, as I considered this, I decided to just enjoy every moment, and not let even one go to waste, just in case this was my last time for a while. And for about 2 days, I was resting in this, and I felt at peace.

I had no idea that it was only temporary peace.

            Suddenly, I wasn't as confident as I used to be in what I thought God's plan for me was. I used to feel so sure that He was leading me to Uganda, that I would have promised Michael that I'd be coming back for a long time. But now, I can't say those words without the sound of question shaking my voice. Since Sunday night, I've started to have late night conversations with God in my room, where I would spend close to half an hour just pacing the floors, trying to make sense of what I was feeling. Mostly, I was trying to rationalize the confusion, which I quickly realized was not going to be a possibility.  I remember telling God:

 "I used to think you had spelled everything out to me; like you had made the way perfectly clear. But now I feel doubtful, and It scares me, God. I don't feel as passionate about this place as I used to. I can't see myself being here long term, anymore. And in less than a year, I'm going to have a huge decision to make, and I'm afraid of taking the wrong road. I used to feel lead to Uganda, but lately, I could also see myself being a counselor, working with teens who have been struggling. But on the other hand, you just helped me write 2 songs, and they came so naturally, that now I'm wondering if you're leading me into the music ministry!! God, everything used to seem so clear. But now it's just all a blur, and the lines don't seem as straight visible as they did before. Please, just show me the way. Let your plan become known to me, because I can't handle this. I can't handle this confusion on my own, God, and I don't want to get off track again!"

            I wasn't sure how to tell all of you about this, or if I was even going to. I was afraid you would think that this trip never really meant anything to me, and that's simply not the case. This time 2 weeks ago, I was bouncing off the walls with excitement. But now... I'm not bouncing anymore. I feel like Satan has both hands on me, and he's dragging me down with all his power. That joy in my heart I told you about in my last post... I can't find it anymore, and I'm scared that this means it's over. But I'm even more afraid that this IS where I'm supposed to be, and I'm not putting all of my heart and soul into it, and I'm gonna get off God's track for me again, and I don't want to do that! Everything seems so different now, and I don't like this feeling of confusion and darkness clouding up my mind. I want that joy back!! I want the fire to ignite in my soul again, I want God's dreams for my life to become reality, and I want to help the lost get found!!

The problem is... how do I help the lost get found, when I feel lost myself?

            Alright, I'm crying now, so I'm gonna wrap this up. I just want to ask you to please pray for me, that the joy I once had will come back, and that somehow, the flames will grow bigger, and I won't feel this way anymore. And also, please pray that God will make his plan for me known. But most of all, please join me in beating Satan with the power of prayer. Because alone, I can do nothing. But I know, even now, that when a bunch of God fearing believers rise up, join hands, and work together.... He is made powerless, and God is VICTORIOUS!

My favorite band, Anthem Lights, has a song called Fight Forever. And from it, this is what my soul is chanting:

I'm not done fighting. I'm not raising the white flag, and I'm not gonna run or turn back. 

I'm not done fighting. I'm not raising the white flag, and I'm not gonna run or turn back. 

I'm not done fighting. I'm not raising the white flag, and I'm not gonna run or turn back.

I'm gonna fight forever.

Wonderful, Beautiful, Crazy LOVE

"I have never been so happy to be in an airport in my entire life!" I told my paps as we walked through the airport in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. We had just gotten off of a 12 1/2 hour flight, and I probably slept for no more than a few hours total of that entire flight. I was seriously a mess! But we were almost there- almost to Uganda! After a few hours in Ethiopia, including a delay because our plane was late, we made our final 2 hour flight to Entebbe, Uganda. The moment I stepped off that plane, I felt so re-energized. I was ready to go! Unfortunately, that didn't quite matter once we got inside the airport. We stood in line for about an hour, just to get our visa! Talk about frustrating. But all of our luggage made it, so that was a wonderful feeling! Finally, after a long drive from Entebbe to Jinja, we made it to Johan's house right before dark- Perfect timing!

Monday morning I woke up with that feeling; the same feeling I get every time I'm here... joy and excitement. I went to the school with Michael to meet the children, and was so amazed at what God has done there in the past year. They now have 3 nursery classes, 5 primary grades, 5 new class rooms, a new office, outhouse, and cooking area, and a fence that surrounds most of the compound. They also have sidewalks, stairs, grass, and roofs- on ALL of the buildings!! Incredible, right?! If any of you read my posts from last year, you probably remember what it was like before. I love being reminded that God is able to provide all that is needed... and then some!!

Tuesday was my first day teaching, and it was awesome! Wild, but I expected it to be. I was supposed to have two P.E. classes that morning, but the school yard was pretty muddy because of last nights rain storm... it POURED!!! But hey, the school didn't flood, and this in itself made me laugh with joy. Anyways, I lead a few music classes to fill the time where those kids would normally be in P.E. They loved it! They remember the tootie-ta, Hold Me... they even remember the motions to Jesus Loves Me that we taught them!! It was exciting. In one of my classes I actually just played the chords to one of my favorite Christian songs and let them dance around... joyful morning in the fullest!! What I didn't know, is that shortly after, I'd be going into the lions den.

Sarah, one of the nursery teachers, came to me and asked for me to teach her students while she went into Jinja to go to the hospital. I agreed of course, even though she seemed to be perfectly healthy and well. After she left, I began to go over their lesson, which was mostly letters and numbers. They were doing so well for a while, so I decided to reward them with some of the candy I brought... word to the wise, do not, under any circumstances, give 4 and 5 year olds candy when you are still expecting them to finish a lesson!! I look at that decision now and wonder what in the world I was thinking... Insanity broke out. Some kept getting up every few minutes and running around, no matter how many times I sat them back down. Some were hitting each other, others were sitting on the desks, and all of them were yelling. Eventually another teacher helped me, but lets just say that I had never been so thankful for recess.

The rest of the day went pretty well. I spent some time with the younger children; or really, I guess I should say that I spent some time having them grab my arms and legs and make me nearly fall to the muddy ground a number of times. At some point a teacher asked them to let me relax, and I was able to play with them without being pulled down to my doom. Ha-ha, I'm kidding. I mean, it was stressful, and there were moments when I felt like I might develop claustrophobia, but I really did enjoy spending time with those kiddos- I always do, no matter how crazy it is!

A lot of school supplies was donated for me to bring to the students, as well as some money to buy supplies for them here, and I want to let all of you know how much it has been appreciated! Monday we went into town before dinner and bought 200 notebooks at an insanely amazing price! They are small, but the good part is that we're able to get more. I saved the big notebooks that were given for the 5th graders, since they do the most work, and I actually ran out! We went into town after school Tuesday and got some more, so all of the students in that class have now received a good sized notebook. Anyways, where I'm meaning to go with all of this, is that the teachers and students really appreciate all of the supplies that they were given. It may not seem like much to us, but it is a lot to them. It's about as big a deal as getting the uniforms last year!! It's just something they can't do on their own, and they really are so thankful for all of you who sent things to help them. 

All day Tuesday, I had the lyrics stuck in my head from one of my favorite songs: Love Like Crazy, by 1 Girl Nation. I know I seem to talk about music a lot, but just bare with me, cause I promise i'm going somewhere with this! No matter what I did that day, the words just kept replaying in my mind. "It's a desert out there, people running scared, looking everywhere for hope," and "we are meant to burn bright, be a light, illuminate the night sky." But most of all, "We're gonna let it shine, we wanna live like Christ." In every moment I experienced that day, I heard these words. I know now that this was a lesson for me; that in the good moments, and the bad or stressful moments, I have to Love Like Crazy. I mean, these kids have given it a whole new meaning to me! They have loved me from the first moment they saw me... even those who had never met me! I feel so blessed to be here with them, and I refuse to let even one day go to waste! I know God has a plan, and I am so very thankful to be a part of it.

BRB... gonna go LOVE LIKE CRAZY :)

Delight yourself in the Lord

I never imagined myself loving a place so passionately. I can remember my nana coming to my Kindergarten class and talking about Uganda; but as a 5 year old, I was more excited to be able to tell all my friends about how my nana had been there and seen all those animals that we had read about, and show them all the things she brought home with her. Then in 6^th grade I did a presentation about Uganda for my Social Studies class. My teacher picked it to be in the schools Cultural Fair, so I asked my nana to help me set up a little booth about it. It was a big hit, and somewhere along the way I wondered if I would ever go to Africa to see these things for myself. I had this image in my head of what Uganda was like, and then when I went there for the first time, it was so different. That was during my 8^th grade year. Now, I’m going into my junior year, and I see things there so differently now from how I did then. As soon as the captain announces that we’ve begun our decent into Entebbe, something inside of my heart jumps. I look out my window and see the sun shining, beautiful trees and grass, Lake Victoria and the Nile River; it’s captivating. However, I see more than that. I see a land of adventure, where each new experience is one where I learn something new. I see a mass of people with welcoming hearts that are so full of love and hope, while they may be searching for those things themselves. I see a place that stole a piece of my heart from the first glance; a piece that will forever remain in Uganda. I spend so many days just thinking about that beautiful country. I wonder if the students are well, I pray for God’s hand to guide and build the school… some days I even plead with God to make the days go by faster so I can return to this wondrous land sooner. I know I must sound obsessive, but I’m really not. I don’t consider it to be obsessive, for this one simple reason- God has called me to Uganda. It’s not something I question anymore, and it’s not something I’m confused about. It’s not even something that I can explain easily. I guess that’s how I know it’s real. I used to wonder if He was calling me somewhere else to do missions. I wondered if it was really His plan for me to spend so much time there; but what made me change my way of thinking, was one extraordinary day at the school. I just looked around at my surroundings and took it all in.  It was at that moment that my entire view on God’s plan for my life changed. I knew without a shadow of doubt in my mind, that this is what I wanted to do with my life. Of course like any teenager, I have other things I think would be incredible and fun to do. However, none of them feel like they are right for me… at least not as much as Uganda does. I don’t know if I’ll grow up to be a missionary and move over to Uganda permanently, and honestly, I don’t even know how many more times God has planned for me to go. It may be that He’s using me in Uganda now to prepare me for something else later. But for now, I’m choosing to simply enjoy the time I have there, with them. I’m choosing not to worry about the future, but instead to live in the present, because it’s a gift. And this is a gift that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Psalms 34:7 says this- “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Many people think this means God will give you whatever you want if you believe in Him. I used to think that way too. Earlier this year, I heard someone explain it differently. I was at a concert, and between songs one of the guys in the band was sharing his testimony. He explained the Truth of this verse to us all. I don’t remember word for word, but he basically said this- “This doesn’t mean that God will give you a new car or a new iPhone, or any of our earthly desires. If we truly and completely delight ourselves in the Lord, our hearts desires will no longer be self-centered, but they’ll be what the Lord Himself desires for us. We delight ourselves in Him and the desires He has for us will be fulfilled, and we will be content.” His explanation of this verse has stuck with me since then, and I wish I could remember it word for word, because it sounded so wise then, and still does when I think about it. Anyway, he was right- It’s not about our desires. If we lived through our own desires, think of the road we might be taking; it’d be one of unsatisfaction and destruction. In the words of TobyMac, we’d be building our kingdoms just to watch them fade.

 

                I say all this to make this final statement; I don’t know exactly what God’s plan is for my life yet. It may include Uganda, it may not. But at the end of the day, I am sure of this one simple truth- God’s plan for my life, your life, and all of our lives are so extraordinary and so special, that we could not possibly imagine the incredible things He desires. We need only delight ourselves in Him, and let Him do his wondrous work.

I dare you to LOVE

Do you remember when you were little and you would play truth or dare, and your friends would dare you to do some of the craziest stuff? If you’re like me, you probably also remember backing out of a lot of those dares. I would always feel so brave and cool when I would say “Dare”, and then I would always chicken out. Why is that? I mean, we’ve all backed out of something at some point, right? And if we back out of something as silly as a party game, what have we passed by that is actually important? Well, that’s what I’m writing about today. Not about truth or dare, but about taking a real and important dare, and making it a life promise.

As you can all probably tell, I have a strong passion for traveling to Uganda and spreading the word of God, and my heart’s desire is to make a difference in this world. And as this is what my mind wanders to a lot, I’ve been trying to focus on God more, and one the things I am learning is that we are called to Love. It’s so much more than just a 4-letter word that we use on a daily basis. It is something that changes lives, and saves lives. It’s something that a lot of people don’t know, simply because they have never felt loved; they’ve never felt the greatest love. And I’m realizing that if we as Christians don’t show them love, they’re going to search for it in the wrong things, and in the wrong places. We are all called to step out and love!

1 Peter 3:8 says “Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.”

1 Peter 4:8 says “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”

The greatest sign of love was given on the day when Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, died on the cross for you, and for me, and for everyone. And our goal as followers of Christ should be to share that love with everyone! His love never fails, it never runs out, and we should all desire to make this known!
I’m gonna wrap this up, but first I want to tie this all together with the “real and important dare” I mentioned earlier. That dare, is a dare that should be taken very seriously, and it’s a dare that like I said, should really be a life promise. It’s a dare that -if taken seriously- will change lives, including yours.

I dare you to Love. Love like you’ve never loved before. Start now! As soon as you stop reading this, go out, and share the Love of Christ with someone. It will have a huge impact, and it really will make a change! For example- A lot of the children I met last year in Uganda don’t know the love of a parent. Many only have a mother, or are orphans. But even in those cases, those children always have a big smile on their faces. They will see you coming, and will run to greet you with a million hugs. They cling to you as if you’ve been friends forever, and they love you instantly. And the more time you spend with them, and the more you show that you love them, the more they love you back. It’s a feeling that I wouldn’t trade in a million years, and it’s all because of Love. They so enjoy hearing about what Jesus did for them, and how He loves them.  

That’s just one example of how spreading Love can make a difference. If you step outside of your comfort zone and trust in God, you’ll be amazed at what will happen! And it all starts with you saying YES!

Did you hear that? Love is calling YOU! So go on and LOVE ~

 I triple-dog dare you!

A million voices

We’ve been back from Uganda for roughly 5 months now, and I am missing all of my children very greatly right now. It’s hard for me too look at pictures of them and embrace the idea that they’re asleep right now on the other side of the world. It’s hard for me to wait for my next trip to see them. Even more than that though, I’m learning that everyone has a voice, and all of our voices have a purpose. Some voices speak towards politics, some towards sports, some towards charity, some towards careers or education; the point is, we all use our voice for something. Lately, I’ve been searching for what God wants to use my voice for. I know He has called me to missions, but I guess I’ve been hoping to find what he specifically wants to use me for. God has changed my life by changing my mind, and changing the way I look at things. And now that I’m seeing things differently, I’m becoming more… I guess you could say “aware” of what’s going on around me. I’ve been hearing about different organizations that are standing up to end slavery, there are people who work with disabled children, even my youth group has started a missions group. Seeing how other people are using there voices has been a great encouragement to me, and it’s given me an idea of what God wants to use my voice for. My voice is going to be used to make a difference. Everyone talks about how they want to help, how they want to make a change, right? Well, why don’t we do something to actually make that change? Is it that we don’t know WHAT to do, or is it simply that we don’t want to go outside of our comfort zones. Whatever it is, it has to end! There are broken people out there, who need Christ to put their lives back together. There are children who can’t go to school simply because they don’t have a pencil. There are families that are falling apart. There’s poverty, and hurt, and hunger, and slavery, and sickness, and I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to do something about it! I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. And really, God never promised that life would be easy, but He promised he would never leave. With that comes the knowledge that we have Him in our lives, and we have a voice, and we are called to take a stand for the things that really matter! I want to reach the broken, and the poor in spirit. I want to share the good news to those who feel like there’s no hope. I want to set the world on fire, for HIM! You have a voice too, and although you might not know what it’s for yet, God will use you and your voice for something big. The question is, when you do figure out what your purpose is, are you going to embrace it and take a stand, or are you going to turn away?
We all have a voice. So let's make some noise!

What hurts the most

Sometimes it just hits me like a brick. I'm in Uganda, and have been for almost 2 months. And during these 2 months, I've been a teacher, a friend, a student, a rainy day entertainer, a playmate, a nurse(I'll explain later)... but at the same time, I've had to see things that break my heart, and have left a big mark in my life. I've had to comfort 2 little girls who are ill with Malaria, I've had to buy food for a little girl who's stomach was "paining" her because of hunger and lunch wasn't ready, and I've seen children running around with no clothes on. Now, some people might think I'm complaining about the things I've seen, or that I'm growing tired of some of the challenges. But that's simply not true.

This morning, Christine, Kelsey and I took Ian, a P2 student, to see a nearby doctor because he has a serious wound on his leg from spilling hot porridge on himself a few days ago. After having an injection, ointment applied, and medicine prescribed, we walked back to the school. And then, Christine was telling us that Anisha (P3) is his sister, and his caregiver for the time being. Their mother is currently working in Kampala, and won't be returning for about a year. So that leaves a 3rd grader as the primary caregiver for a her brother, who is in 2nd grade... Is it just me, or does something sound off in this situation?? I want so badly to take care of them until their mother returns, but I don't have enough time left here to do so.

An hour or so later, we made our way back to the doctor with Ritah and Prossy, who were both complaining of headaches. Come to find out, both girls have Malaria. Ritah's temp was very low, while Prossy's was high. After some injections, more prescribed medicine, and orders to come back after school and before school tomorrow for another injection, we went back to the school, where both girls layed down to rest. They seem to be feeling a little better, but they aren't over the hill yet.

Then, after thinking we were done with our "excitement" for the day, Anisha starts complaining of a stomachache. Christine gave her some medicine, but her stomach pain did not go away. Then she said that her stomach pain was because of hunger(common problem). So Christine and I(along with her ADORABLE son, Elvis) walked down the hill to buy Anisha a snack, because Lunch wasn't even close to being ready. Anisha ended up with 2 biscuits and a banana... enough to hold her over until lunch.

As I sat in the office eating lunch this afternoon, I looked around and saw Ian, Ritah, Prossy, and Anisha, smiling and coloring, along with Jessica, Shakira, Marvin, Vicky, and the other Ritah(These  5 kids aren't sick but just wanted to spend time with their friends). And as I listened to the sound of the heavy rain on the church's tin roof, I thanked God for putting smiles back on these beautiful faces that I love so much. But my heart still longs to do more for them. That's what hurts the most. Knowing that Ritah and Prossy still need to be cure of their Malaria. Knowing that Anisha and Ian's mother won't be home for a year. Knowing that most of these children live in such extreme cases of poverty. Knowing that we're only their teachers for 2 more days... But I'm going to give up control. I'm gonna let go, and let God take the wheel. And really, he's been in control this whole time.

I don't know what else to say to these children when we leave, other than
Nkkwagala ("I Love You" in Luganda)