Welcome, 2016

Happy New Year!

Can you believe it's 2016?! It feels crazy to me! And to be honest, although it passed quickly, 2015 was also one of the longest, most emotionally exhausting years of my life. It was full of difficulties, heart ache, unknowns, anger, answers, celebration... it's been a roller coaster, to say the least! Not only that, but this roller coaster actually lasted two years! From October of 2013 to October of 2015, I went day by day just trying not to have an emotional breakdown from all the doubt and worry I had allowed to build up inside of me. But through it all, there are a few things I've come to discover.

1. Nothing here on earth is permanent. People, heart break, hard times, dreams- everything on this side of Heaven is temporary, and what really counts is what you make of these things, and how you embrace or handle them.

2. Discipleship is very important. This summer I began meeting with an adult from my church, and I've really appreciated having someone to go to for advice, spiritual guidance, and a different perspective.

3. It's great to have people to go to for support in the hard times, but it's crucial for God to be #1. If I had to pick 3 things I unintentionally did that made this struggle harder on myself, not going to God first would definitely be on the list. I've come to find that I am the kind of person that likes having someone be there for me physically, who I can see and go to for immediate help. And there's nothing wrong with that, except that when the going got tough, my first response was rarely prayer. Instead I would pull out my phone and call a friend, or I'd save my thoughts for the next time I got to talk with an adult I trust. But somewhere along the way I finally got it; I finally realized the importance and value in going to God first. My friends and church leaders can invest in my life and disciple me, but ultimately, God needs to be my life line... He wants to be that.

4. Pride can and will be a roadblock if you don't let it go. For so long I wrestled with God over what He was doing in my life, and although I know He did a lot of things in my life over these 2 years, I also realize now that I made it SO much harder than it had to be. Why? Pride, and my refusal to let go of the wheel. Take my advice... just let it go. There is so much freedom in giving up control.

5. When you pray for God to have His way, He is going to have His way. Sometimes He leads you somewhere you never thought you'd go, sometimes He confirms your desires, and sometimes He reveals that a dream you've had since you were 10 isn't what He has in store for you. But the cool thing is that when the third one happens, the first one happens, too. Just a few months ago, I felt my dream of being a singer slowly begin to fade. Me in the flesh still wanted to fight for it with everything in me, but at the end of the day, I had to embrace the truth; God had a different plan. It hurt for a while, but then something incredible happened. He took one of my heart's deepest desires and revealed to me that His plan DID involve it. He took my desire to see people come to the heart of God, feel His love, and experience His presence, and He called me to worship. It was a moment I still remember so well in my mind, and I pray I never lose sight of his glory and presence through it all.

6. You are never alone. It sounds cliche, but it's so true. Even in the darkest of nights when you feel so far gone, so out of reach, God sees you and He is with you. He truly and deeply cares for you, He loves you more than we can comprehend, and He wants the best for you.

These are just a few of the things I found out in 2015. And even though I know more today then I did January 1 of last year, I also know I still have a lot more to learn. I have a lot to experience, and a lot of growing to do. But I will tell you this...

I can't wait to see what God has in store for 2016.