We've moved!

"Welcome To Living Life" officially has a new home with Weebly! I sincerely hope you'll follow along on this new adventure and come along to our new and improved space.

welcometolivinglife.weebly.com

Anthem Lights mashup and behind the scenes

Anyone who knows me even in the slightest probably knows I am a huge fan of the Christian/Pop band "Anthem Lights". That said, I imagine it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened and I put together a mashup of their music... also ironic considering they mostly do covers nowadays ;)

Below is the link to the video and also the lyrics from the mashup. Also, below the mashup you'll find another link; this one leads to my "Behind The Scenes" video. I've shared bloopers in previous covers of mine, but I realized in the editing process that I had enough this time to make a full separate video! Ever wonder what REALLY happens during my filming process? Well, here's the hysterical reality! :)

Click here for "Anthem Lights mashup"

Click here for "Behind The Scenes" video

LYRICS TO MASHUP 

(Just Fall / Help You Stand / Coming Home / Turn Around)

I would dive into canyons to save you
And climb up the highest skyscraper as pressure would drop, drop, drop

If it meant that all your pain would stop

I can see that October's been heavy

And how much you wish that the floor would be steady below, oh, oh

I know it hurts more than you show, oh, oh

Because the tone that's in your voice, I can recognize

The shaking from your choice, I can empathize

Once I was broken, but now I'm mended

And I just wanna help you, I just wanna help you

You can just fall into me

I'll be the ground beneath your feet

I just wanna help you, I just wanna help you

I'll meet you at midnight, let my arms be your escape, baby

Nothing's too much to ask of me

I'll meet you at dawn or whenever you need me

So if you're frozen in the cold, and you got nowhere to go

You're unsure and it's unclear how you got here on this road

When you need to stop and go back just to carry on

Let me help you

Open Letter To Fear

Out of all the YouTube videos I've shared over the years, some of my favorites have been ones that didn't even involve me singing. Last summer, I shared a video titled "I am Forgiven", and the response it received was very encouraging. In fact, it was even mentioned in an online magazine! I was very excited to see that the message I shared was reaching people everywhere, and they were being inspired by it.

You can see the "I am Forgiven" video here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1vNuDuvpVc

Now, a year later, I'm sharing another video. This one isn't necessarily as deep or encouraging, but it was very freeing to me to express my thoughts to "fear" in this way, and my hope is that others see it and are encouraged to face off their own fear. We all have it, and we all have the choice to either let it control us... or to tell it to leave.

You can see the "Open Letter To Fear" video here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51cXSi7rppc

Make Me Brave

I'm learning how to be brave.

I truthfully imagined that I would be okay with the concept of trust and "being courageous" after all God has delivered me from this past year, but tonight I realized that I'm still learning. Learning to give up control, learning to believe that there's a purpose and plan that are bigger than my vision, and I'm learning to trust that I'm loved by a God who's drawing me to it. With that, however, comes total abandonment of my control. It means rejecting everything I hold so dear, and whole-hardheartedly asking God to draw me beyond the shore and back into the waves. That's scary to me, especially since I feel like He just pulled me OUT of them. So why on God's great earth would I ask Him to lead me back? I don't like to be fearful, I don't like the unknown, so why would I ask Him to call me out of the boat into the uncharted storm? The interesting thing, however, is that as I'm typing this out, the answer just came to mind. There IS a reason I should ask Him to bring me back to that place, despite how uncomfortable it makes me.

Maybe it's where He's calling me to be.

Recently my pastor said something that rang so true in my mind and heart; he said "Solomon didn't ask God to change his circumstance." When He said that, I realized that I had been guilty of doing exactly that- asking God to tailor His plan for me because it wasn't easy. It wasn't all warm and fuzzy, and it wasn't comfortable. Some days, I felt like I was losing my mind. Never once, however, did I thank God for what He was doing. And at the time, I didn't see a reason to. There were moments that I was honestly mad at Him for what He was doing. But now I see things differently, and I AM grateful for what He did. It made me stronger... it made me braver. 

And yet, I'm still hesitant to ask Him to take me back.

I don't think God takes us to the valleys, deserts, and raging oceans to jerk us around and make us fearful. In fact, I'm certain that's not His purpose in it, because that's not who He is. He is Holy God, good and faithful Shepherd. No, I don't believe God takes us to the difficult places to harm us, but rather that He brings us there to sweetly break us. To some that may sound contradictory, but what we would all do well to remember is that we are a people in desperate need of a savior. We are all sinners, and in the flesh we are not seeking God. John 15:16 says "You did not choose me, but I chose you..." And because of this fact, we also tend to struggle to let go and let God do His work in us. THAT'S where the brokenness comes in. It's not an easy thing, but when you finally get to the place of brokenness, you realize that the only real thing you have is God.

The sweet part comes when you realize that this means you have all you could ever need. 

Truthfully, I'm still scared of the waves. I'm still scared to ask God to take me back out onto the water, to the place where I'm not the one in control. But as I started to write this post, I had the thought that maybe - just maybe - I'm asking Him for something more, and for something that is so much better than the storm I have to face to get to it. I'm asking Him to bring me to a place of complete submission, and total soul abandonment. A place of contentment in who He is and not this world or it's offerings to me. A place where I can do nothing but fall to my knees in awe of His majesty and who He is. A place of learning to trust in Him, have faith in Him, and to a place where he can truly make me brave. 


Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.

Proverbs 14:26

In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, And his children will have refuge.

Hebrews 4:16Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Psalm 91:2 

I will say to the Lord, "You are my place of safety and protection. You are my God and I trust you."

Welcome, 2016

Happy New Year!

Can you believe it's 2016?! It feels crazy to me! And to be honest, although it passed quickly, 2015 was also one of the longest, most emotionally exhausting years of my life. It was full of difficulties, heart ache, unknowns, anger, answers, celebration... it's been a roller coaster, to say the least! Not only that, but this roller coaster actually lasted two years! From October of 2013 to October of 2015, I went day by day just trying not to have an emotional breakdown from all the doubt and worry I had allowed to build up inside of me. But through it all, there are a few things I've come to discover.

1. Nothing here on earth is permanent. People, heart break, hard times, dreams- everything on this side of Heaven is temporary, and what really counts is what you make of these things, and how you embrace or handle them.

2. Discipleship is very important. This summer I began meeting with an adult from my church, and I've really appreciated having someone to go to for advice, spiritual guidance, and a different perspective.

3. It's great to have people to go to for support in the hard times, but it's crucial for God to be #1. If I had to pick 3 things I unintentionally did that made this struggle harder on myself, not going to God first would definitely be on the list. I've come to find that I am the kind of person that likes having someone be there for me physically, who I can see and go to for immediate help. And there's nothing wrong with that, except that when the going got tough, my first response was rarely prayer. Instead I would pull out my phone and call a friend, or I'd save my thoughts for the next time I got to talk with an adult I trust. But somewhere along the way I finally got it; I finally realized the importance and value in going to God first. My friends and church leaders can invest in my life and disciple me, but ultimately, God needs to be my life line... He wants to be that.

4. Pride can and will be a roadblock if you don't let it go. For so long I wrestled with God over what He was doing in my life, and although I know He did a lot of things in my life over these 2 years, I also realize now that I made it SO much harder than it had to be. Why? Pride, and my refusal to let go of the wheel. Take my advice... just let it go. There is so much freedom in giving up control.

5. When you pray for God to have His way, He is going to have His way. Sometimes He leads you somewhere you never thought you'd go, sometimes He confirms your desires, and sometimes He reveals that a dream you've had since you were 10 isn't what He has in store for you. But the cool thing is that when the third one happens, the first one happens, too. Just a few months ago, I felt my dream of being a singer slowly begin to fade. Me in the flesh still wanted to fight for it with everything in me, but at the end of the day, I had to embrace the truth; God had a different plan. It hurt for a while, but then something incredible happened. He took one of my heart's deepest desires and revealed to me that His plan DID involve it. He took my desire to see people come to the heart of God, feel His love, and experience His presence, and He called me to worship. It was a moment I still remember so well in my mind, and I pray I never lose sight of his glory and presence through it all.

6. You are never alone. It sounds cliche, but it's so true. Even in the darkest of nights when you feel so far gone, so out of reach, God sees you and He is with you. He truly and deeply cares for you, He loves you more than we can comprehend, and He wants the best for you.

These are just a few of the things I found out in 2015. And even though I know more today then I did January 1 of last year, I also know I still have a lot more to learn. I have a lot to experience, and a lot of growing to do. But I will tell you this...

I can't wait to see what God has in store for 2016.

The Gifts I've Been Given

“Is this the right way?”

I’ve realized that I’ve asked myself and God this question a lot lately. So much so, in fact, that it’s hard to admit. After everything that happened with my “Africa plan”, the idea of choosing a way to go has been constantly on my mind. I know where my passion is, I know what I dream of and aspire to be, and personally, I believe I have the drive to reach it if it’s God’s will for me. I truly believe He’s leading me to this, and I feel it now more than ever.

So why is it that I still doubt?

I don’t doubt that this is my dream, or that God is leading me to do something in the music ministry. I don’t doubt that He can and will use me, or that He will show me what His plan is for me. I don’t doubt any of these things. I do, however, doubt myself. I know that everybody has doubts sometimes, but it’s sort of a new thing for me in this area. Like I said in a previous post, I never really had many doubts with Africa. When I did start to have doubts, I could tell that it was God saying He wanted me somewhere else. Then when I started to doubt that God could use me, He showed me that he has plans and dreams for me, and that I can do the impossible because He has given me the strength to do so.

The doubts I’ve had in the past didn’t bother me as much as the doubts I have now do.

It just seems like my dream is unreachable, because I don’t know where to start to get to it. Everywhere I go, I seem to always be reminded that I have to work if I ever want my dreams to, and I don’t disagree whatsoever. I’m not afraid to work hard for this, and the hard work it’ll take to get there and stay there is actually part of what excites me about it! The motivation for me to reach for my “impossible dream” is always there. So maybe I don’t doubt that I could reach it, as much as I doubt that I’m good enough. It always goes back to my problem with comparison. I look up to and aspire to be like my favorite artists, and when I don’t “measure up” to where *I think* I should be, I start to doubt myself. Hitting a wrong note while singing along to my favorite song is enough to make me question whether or not I could ever be good enough to sing my own songs. It’s a silly way of thinking, yes; but it’s the way I've been thinking. I wish I could say I've got a perfect solution, simply to settle my own anxiety, but I don’t. But I am so thankful for a God who does know how to settle my anxious heart, and that He’s a God that will do exactly that. While doing my school work this morning, I started to think about my doubts again. Then, I realized something; or rather, I asked myself something. It’s a question I've had to ask myself over and over again through out the years, and asking myself this question has always been a moment when God reminds me that I’m His, and that He is all powerful. And the question I ask of myself is this:

“When did I start to give myself boundaries on what I can do based off of the talents, capabilities, and blessings of others?”

In middle school I looked to the popular girls to see who I needed to be to fit in. I let looks and popularity define my happiness. In my first few years of high school, I strived to be who the world thought I needed to be. The clothes, the personality, the clothing size… I let it define my happiness. Now, I’ve been looking at musicians and singers and thinking “I can’t sing like that”, or “I can’t play guitar like that”, and I've let it be my goal point. I've mentally created this high point for myself and said “once you can sing like this you’ll be there”, and “once you can play like this you’ll be there.” Basically I’ve said “when you get to this point, you’ll be happy.” And you know what? I’ve been lying to myself.

I see now that my happiness won’t come from being as talented as the musicians and singers that I’ve strived to be like. God has given me talents and gifts of my own, and He has a plan specifically made for me. He made me to serve Him and glorify Him with the blessings He’s given me, and I see now that wishing I had someone else’s gifts and talents is like ignoring the one’s I have… just like when I used to wish I could look like someone else.

The truth is that God has blessed me with a love for music and singing. He’s given me the talent to do so, but it’s up to me to learn how to use this gift properly and to His glory. I may not be able to hit a high note like Ariana Grande, but seriously, who besides her can?! I may not be a master guitarist, but I’m learning. I may not be a professional song writer, but I believe with all of my heart that God has given me something to say, and I love to write my own songs.

Originally I was going to write this all out in my journal, but I decided to share it with all of you incase any of you are in the same place I am right now. Maybe you have a dream and passion for something, but you’ve placed limits on yourself like I have. Or maybe you’re a senior like I am, and you’re trying to decide where God is leading you… He’ll show you. I can’t say that I’ve seen many burning bushes lately, but God has said that He’s going to use us in wondrous ways that we can’t even imagine. That said, my challenge to all of you, including myself, is this.

Let’s embrace the gifts God’s given us, and use them where He leads.

1 Peter 4:10- Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms.

Romans 12:6a- In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. 

Jeremiah 33:3- Call to me and I will answer you. I’ll show you great and unsearchable things that you do not know. 

Am I dreaming too big?

This question has been on my mind a lot lately... more so now than ever. When I was little I didn't think it was possible to dream "too big". As a child I was constantly changing my mind, finding new dreams, and my imagination grew more and more wild. Nothing was impossible, and I could be anything I wanted to be! And believe me, at the time, I dreamt of everything... but of all my dreams, only one has remained. Singing. When I was little I used to sing all the time; I'd perform for my family, my church, in school talent shows... every chance I got. For a few years I was even convinced I was meant to be the next Taylor Swift. I'm not even kidding. Then when I was 13, I went through a really hard time, and in addition to all the other things that brought me down in that year to come, a sudden hit of reality crashed into me... my dream wasn't something that I could just walk into. It was something that would come with a lot of challenges, and at 14 years old, I came to the conclusion that my dream was unrealistic and impossible. For a while I did my best not to think about it, and then it seemed that God showed me my perfect path, my destiny! I truly believed He was telling me Uganda was my future. After all, I know He's called me to the mission field. At the time, though, I was pretty closed minded to the idea of not being led overseas... somehow I had gotten the impression that foreign missions was what I had to do if I was going to follow this call to the mission field. I in no way thought that was the ONLY mission field, but I was 99% positive it was the mission field I was being directed towards.

Then a trip to Uganda actually showed me that I needed to be more open minded and really pray about that other 1%.

I'm going to be completely honest with you guys and just tell you that I didn't really expect that the 1% of the equation would turn out to be my "impossible dream"... and I never imagined it could seem more possible than a future in Uganda. I mean, if i'm being totally real with you guys, I had all but forgotten about my dream of being a singer until then. I daydreamed about it occasionally, but suddenly it was all I could think about, to the point that the idea of failure set it. I guess that's what made all of this real for me; with my dream of Uganda, I never wondered if I was dreaming too big. I never wondered if what I was doing would be too difficult, or if it would have challenges I couldn't handle... I never even questioned if I could live a life like that. I was just all in, ready to go, no doubts. So in the fall of 2013 when all of the fears, questions, and doubts hit at once, I knew something wasn't right, and I knew God was trying to tell me something. Even so, when my dream of singing started to redevelop and stir my heart in ways I had never experienced before, I was hesitant to dream "too big". After all, the one thing that made sense to me for so long was suddenly fading out of the picture, and I was scared to feel let down again.

Eventually I opened up to the idea that this could possibly be a road worth pursuing, at least for a little while. I figured if nothing else, I could at least keep it as a hobby; singing and songwriting, I mean. Then as time passed and 2014 rolled around, I got more and more into the idea, and I really started to ask God if this is what He had in store for me. Before long I started to put all of myself into this dream. All I could, anyways. About that time was when the fears set in; the doubts and the wondering. I remember going into my room one afternoon when I was feeling particularly doubtful; I began pacing the floor and speaking my heart to God, asking Him to guide me and reveal his plan to me. I remember the words "I can't handle the confusion! I can't do this alone!" had come from my mouth as a cry for help. That's what it was... because I needed God's help with this. I was feeling confused about what to do, doubtful that my dream could come true, and above all, I felt completely and totally useless for what I was dreaming. The fear of not being good enough, or not being capable... the fear of failing... It all felt like too much. The idea of me being a Christian artist and touching lives with the message of God in songs I could write, and inspiring young people the way may favorite artists inspire me... well, let's just say it was an intimidating idea, and over all I just couldn't see how God could use me for something that important. I had heard several people say that if your dream doesn't scare you a bit or isn't intimidating, you might not be dreaming big enough. This was some comfort to me, but not the comfort I needed. I needed God's comfort... and I got it.

In the midst of all of this... in my moment of weakness, in my moment of fear and doubt, I felt God there with me. I felt His comforting embrace, and I felt Him whisper into my heart. Now anytime I feel doubtful, I simply remember that when I can't do something, God walks with me and says "But I can."

The doubts still come sometimes, but not nearly as much as they used to. Lately though, a new question has been captivating me, and it's the one that inspired this post: Am I dreaming too big? I mean really, could I just be letting my imagination run wild? Am I thinking unrealistically here? Maybe. That's what I told myself: maybe. I wondered about this for a while, and eventually just tried to bury it deep inside of me and forget about it. And for a while I succeeded in not letting the question rule my thoughts. Then March 8th came around, and everything resurfaced... In a very surprising way.

My mom and I had made the journey to Louisville Ky that weekend for the Girls of Grace conference. I was registered for the VIP experience (my birthday present) and couldn't wait for the day's events to unfold... mostly because I was going to get to meet Britt Nicole, who was performing that afternoon. In the weeks leading up to the conference I had thought over and over again about what I wanted to say to her. At one point I really considered sharing my dreams with her and asking for prayer, but when the big day finally came, I didn't even think about it. Not even when she walked into the VIP meet and greet area, and not even when she came over to me. She signed my cd and poster, we took a picture, we talked for a while, we hugged... but I never shared my heart with her. I did tell her that her music had helped me through a lot and that she has really inspired me, but I just didn't feel the urge to say anything else. A minute later I noticed that when signing my poster, she had written "I believe in you!" in the corner above her name... I almost cried. I hadn't told her what I had thought about telling her, yet she still wrote it. Those three little words touched my heart, and everytime I look at that poster on my wall, all I can do is smile. But that wasn't all that happened that touched me- nope, God worked wonders through Britt that day, and I'm still amazed how it all happened. When she was on stage, she mentioned me and said that she remembered meeting me backstage. I remember only a few parts of the next few minutes, because what happened left me completely shocked. I remember her saying she remembered me and talking about me for a minute... but it wasn't until a few weeks ago that I was reminded of another piece of the day. A friend of mine who I met at the concert had taken a video of Britt talking to me from stage and shared part of it on instagram. When I watched it back, it was Britt looking at me and saying "He (God) want's you to dream big, Taylor. He wants you to dream bigger than you ever thought you could! He says that you can do the impossible- He says that over your life!"

I saw this video for the first time about a month ago, probably... God's message for me in it just hit me this morning. I was watching it and I realized something she said towards the end: "He says that you can do the IMPOSSIBLE". I've thought about those words she spoke over and over again, yet somehow I'm just now seeing that God gave me my answer. I can do the impossible- this is something I've wondered about time and time again, and God used Britt to tell me that I wasn't dreaming "too big", and that with Him at my side, I can do the impossible. My impossible dream isn't too big for God, and He will use me according to His plan. The same goes for you and YOUR impossible dream... It isn't too big for God, and He will use you according to His plan.

He just needs us to be willing.